Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
