you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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