I think I died a long time ago.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
