i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
