Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
