How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I woke up under a house in Key West
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