your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
