We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
