I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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