Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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