last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
