I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
