I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
