I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
