sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
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