Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
