What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
