I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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