i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
