In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
