Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
