Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
