did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
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As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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