Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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