I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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