Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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