I wish my penis had an off switch
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
