I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
