Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
