Screwed.edu
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
