never play flip cup with pint glasses
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
