when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
And then he peed in my hair
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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