If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
