Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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