he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
