It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Houston, we have a squirter
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
