Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
