please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
