there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
