we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
