Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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