I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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