Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
