Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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