you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
