what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I came so hard my ears popped.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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