she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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