yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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