The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
