You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So much Jack, so little girl.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
