So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
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I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
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Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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