The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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