Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize