Your dad touched me again.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
