he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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