I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
