She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I FOUND THE LEGS
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
