goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
