I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
