so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
