I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We had sex on a dog bed..
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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