Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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