I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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