i would punch a child for taco bell
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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