So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
