Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
