question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You are the jesus of drinking
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
