I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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