I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
