Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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