2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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