Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
