ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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