Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
