you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize